I’ve lived in Charlotte for just over four years, and all this time I’ve been clutching tightly to my identity as a displaced New Yorker. Lately I’ve realized, however, that I am becoming more and more of a Charlottean all the time. I am getting used to this place. No one from here would ever mistake me for anything other than a Yankee, but I am becoming, little by little, more Southern and more suburban. It’s scary. Here, in no particular order, is a list of ways in which I’ve changed:
1. I have a Southern accent. Not a heavy one, mind you. I don’t sound like people around here, some of whom I still can’t understand. But I definitely sound Southern. Especially in the way I say words like “hair” and “bear.” I stretch them into two syllables, pronouncing them “hay-er” and “bay-er.” Ironically, it’s a pronunciation I used to mock when I first moved down here. Now I can’t help speaking that way myself.
2. It no longer seems strange to hear “ma’am” and “sir.” Southern children call adults, even adults they know, even their own parents, “ma’am” and “sir.” When I first moved here, I was always looking around for Ma and Pa Ingalls, because my only associations with those words were “Little House on the Prairie” and the military. They were words to say to a stranger– “How can I help you, sir?” or “Excuse me, ma’am, did you drop this?” They weren’t words to say to someone you knew, especially your own parents! I thought it was bizarre and somewhat horrifying when I heard parents say to their three-year-olds, “No what?” to elicit a “No, ma’am.” Now it barely makes me blink. Of course, it still doesn’t occur to me to teach my own kids to say it, so people probably think they’re rude and have no “home training.” Eek.
3. Along a similar vein, it no longer fazes me to hear adults referred to as “Ms./Mr. Firstname,” and I even call them that myself when talking to my kids. When I first moved down here I met up with someone from a local homeschooling group, and she introduced herself to my kids as “Ms. Debbie.” I hated her instantly. Who the fuck did she think she was? My kids weren’t good enough to call her by her first name? Were they going to have to bow down to her next? As I met more people, I discovered that she hadn’t meant anything by it at all– it’s just the customary form of address here when children are talking to adults. Children never call teachers (even preschool teachers) by their first names, something that was common in New York. Their parents’ friends or friends’ parents, even close ones, still have that title of Ms. or Mr. In my wildest dreams I can’t imagine my kids calling my NYC friends “Ms. Lisa” or “Ms. Jen.” It makes me a bit sad, actually, that even my closest friends here are distanced from my kids by that title that keeps adults and children in their proper places.
4. Before I moved here, I was a fierce critic of the big chain coffeehouses and bookstores. I called them “Starfucks” or “Fourbucks” and “Big and Nasty.” I had never bought anything from Barnes and Noble and had only patronized a Starbucks once– when I was in Macy’s and desperate for coffee, and there was a Starbucks right in the store. You should have seen me that time; I was completely unfamiliar with the way Starbucks worked. I paid and stood in front of the register waiting for my coffee, until it dawned on my that everyone else was going down to the end of the counter to pick up their drinks.
Well, in Charlotte those chains are all over, and there are hardly any independents. Consequently, I go to Starbucks at least once a week and Barnes and Noble every couple of weeks. I even have the Barnes and Noble Membership Card for my 10% discount. I actually am a total Starbucks addict, even though I still call the sizes small, medium, and large instead of grande and whatever else they call them officially.
5. I am used to a bunch of restaurant chains I’d never heard of before moving down here… Panera Bread, Moe’s, Qdobo, Salsarita’s, Mama Fu’s, Chick-fil-a (and I even manage to pronounce that last one right sometimes, although usually I forget and say it Chick-uh-FILL-uh). I also know and shop at chain stores… Target, Lowe’s, Home Depot. I actually love Target, and am not ashamed to admit it.
6. I have learned the makes and models of cars, and when you ask me what kind of car someone has, I will actually say “a Camry” or “an Odyssey” instead of “blue.” I also now know the difference between an SUV and a minivan. I still don’t know how to drive, though.
7. I am totally spoiled by non-NYC housing. 1000 square feet is small to me now, where it used to seem like a whole lot of space. I will never want a McMansion with a three-car garage and a “bonus room” (I’m still not even sure what that is; it sounds like you move in and then are surprised by this room you never noticed), but I would like a house with a yard. I do want to move back to NYC one day, but I will never, ever, so help me God, use a basement coin-op laundry room again. I absolutely must have my own washer and dryer.
8. Likewise, I have learned to expect clean public bathrooms in drugstores, supermarkets, fast food places, hardware stores… basically anywhere. I expect public libraries to be clean, well-stocked, climate-controlled, spacious, comfortable, modern, and open six or seven days a week, morning and afternoon. I expect every store to accept credit cards. When I go to a restaurant I expect it to have high chairs and a children’s menu.
9. I am beginning to accept the fact that both evolution and global warming, which I always thought of as universally accepted science, are actually controversial political issues.
10. It no longer seems completely alien to hear people mention the Lord in casual conversation.
) But whatever religion one is, I think it’s important to remember to be thankful and count one’s blessings, and I love the idea of taking one day a week to blog about what one is thankful for. Maybe I’ll call mine Thursday Thanks.
