Mariposa Academy Homeschool

Sometimes I really do feel that I’m a lousy homeschooling mom, and that my kids’ homeschooling experience is not what it should be. That the critics kicking around that tired old football called “socialization” are right– but not because of homeschooling itself. It’s because of Charlotte. I am a non-driver living in an auto-centric town. That means that we don’t get out and about anywhere near the amount that we should. And when the temperature and humidity are both in the 90’s and a southern sun is beating down on our heads making us feel like we’re being cooked, it means we hardly get out at all. I don’t remember the last time we left the house. Maybe it was last weekend? Oh, no– it was when I took Llani to the dentist on Tuesday, and Zekey stayed home.

We are so isolated. I have been depressed and irritable, which means I’m snapping and yelling at the kids. While they generally are very sweet and get along better than siblings are expected to, playing just with each other for days at a time mean they squabble and fight and end up in tears several times a day. It is not good for any of us.

I thought my fabulous new stroller would change things. It arrived yesterday and was received with cheering and dancing. I opened the box and felt a pang of regret upon seeing that the color called Canyon Orange was much closer to Don’t Shoot Me Orange. It was so bright it was almost fluorescent.

Once I assembled the stroller and lugged it downstairs to try out, I was even more dismayed. One wheel is broken in some way, so it spins and drags like the wheel on a faulty shopping cart, making the stroller wobble and bump. Also, it’s almost impossible to cram the stroller into the trunk of our car, even with the rear wheels popped off.

We are returning the stroller, and I don’t know what to do now. It was the only one I thought would work for us. The next best alternative is like 10lbs heavier and over $100 more expensive.

I am still planning to learn to drive. I’m going to get my learners permit within the next few weeks, and I have friends volunteering to watch my kids and to drive me to the DMV. But the whole idea of learning to drive fills me with incredible dread and depression. And even if driving turns out to be bearable, it won’t solve my problems. Zekey hates car rides. He has a huge meltdown anytime we have to drive anywhere. And both kids get carsick. So really, things are not going to be easier once I learn how to drive.

I don’t know how my life ended up like this, but it’s nothing like I ever thought it would be. I keep waiting to wake up from this nightmare and be home in NYC. If you had told me 10 years ago that I’d be living in Charlotte, NC in 2007, I would have laughed in your face. Of course, I’d never even heard of Charlotte until about five years ago, but still.

Last night, maybe around 2am, Zeke woke up and had to throw up. Luckily I was able to get him to the toilet before he let loose, so we didn’t have a puke-covered bed (well, until around 5 this morning). The rest of the night I slept in bits and pieces, in between comforting Zeke while he puked, cleaning up, getting Llani back to sleep, and getting the cats out of the room.

This morning I had to take my poor swollen-cheeked Llani to the dentist, where I learned that she will need extensive work done. The dentist is pushing for deep sedation, which really makes me uncomfortable. I’m not sure what we’re going to do, but we’ll have to get her teeth taken care of soon. Also, this dentist doesn’t take insurance. Lovely.

When I got home I had some really gross cat puke to take care of. And to top this day off, I got my period. No baby for me.

It’s June. The local public schools are out. I was thinking of writing a year-end review for Llanina, stating whether she met my goals for her, where she is compared to other first graders, and how well she met the standard first grade curriculum goals.

You know what, though? I really don’t care. I don’t care where she is in relation to other first graders. And my goals for her have changed throughout the year. I think my major goal for her these days is that she love learning. And she does. She loves to read, she loves to discover new things, she’s full of curiosity. She asks questions all the time. So yes, she’s met my goals for her, and done so perfectly.

Also, school has not stopped for us. It’s not the end of our school year, because our school year has no end. It’s silly, therefore, to decide that by a certain day in June she needs to have a particular set of knowledge and skills. There’s no reason for it. what she doesn’t know know, she will learn when she’s ready. I have complete confidence and trust in that.

In other news, we have decided to try for a baby now instead of waiting till our Spain trip. What can I say, patience was never my strong point!