Mariposa Academy Homeschool

Yesterday I had a midwife appointment.The midwife felt my belly and told me that Luz was still head down– slightly oblique, but she’d probably turn right into place during labor. I was so relieved. Then, a bit later, she moved and suddenly she was back to transverse! Apparently I have a baby with a very unstable lie, which means that she is a little acrobat and moves around a lot. There is no point in doing another version, because she probably wouldn’t stay head down, and my cervix is not favorable for induction. Luckily, with her being so movable and having so much room in there, the midwives will probably be able to do a version when I am in labor if she doesn’t get head down first. I will have to come to the hospital as soon as I know I’m in labor, but the midwife (Hallie, my favorite of the three) assured me that by coming in early, I won’t be attached to the bed or anything.

Hallie showed me how to feel where Luz’s head is. Last night I kept feeling for her position, and I swear I chased her down from transverse to oblique with an ice pack. I also felt her go completely breech for a brief time, and I could swear that she was head down for a little while, too– but still very high in my uterus. This morning she is transverse.

If she is not vertex when I go into labor and they can’t get her to turn, I will have to have a C-section. I am just going to make sure I’m informed in case of that possibility, but meanwhile trust in my body and my baby. I am continuing the ice and music and the dog-cat poses, and today I’m going to look for a belly binder in Target.

If I get to 40 weeks without going into labor on my own, they will have to induce, but Hallie says they will work with me on that and try to get things as close as possible to the natural birth that I want. If they have to do pitocin, they will turn it off once things get going and let me move around, get in the shower, etc. And even if I am on the monitor and a pitocin drip, I won’t have to be flat on my back. I can sit up, or lie on my side, or sit in the rocker.

Hopefully we won’t get to that point. A lot can happen in a week and a half.

I love Diane Rehm, but I started listening to yesterday’s show about homeschooling, and I just had to turn it off. Ugh. I’m so sick of hearing the same debate, and the same stereotypes, dragged out every time homeschooling is in the news. How about this? How about instead of regulating homeschooling, we regulate homeschooling debates? Let’s get some laws on the books that if you are going to talk about homeschooling in a public forum, you cannot do any of the following:

– Accuse homeschoolers of sheltering their kids from “the real world.” Um, because in the real world, you are stuck in a room with 30 people the same age as you, following the directions of a single authority, and regulating bodily functions such as eating and peeing to the scheduled ringing of a bell? Damn, I’d better stop taking my kids to cafes, stores, libraries, sports activities, playdates, museums, and parks and put them back into the real world!

–Assume homeschoolers are all conservative Christians who are homeschooling to shield their kids from learning about evolution or the existence of gay people.

–Call for homeschool regulations as a way to stop child abuse. Because, you know, that’s worked so well for all the abused public school kids. And the homeschooling parents who neglect and abuse their kids will, of course, be the ones who make sure to register with educational authorities and keep their paperwork up to date. We know it works because there are no abused homeschooled kids in highly regulated states.

– Say that homeschooled kids do well academically, but you’re concerned about socialization. Hasn’t this poor dead horse taken enough beating already? Do the people who worry about homeschoolers missing out on socialization really not know that the big “S-word” myth is laughed about in homeschooling circles? Do they actually think they’re bringing up a new point? Maybe they should get out and socialize more instead of living in their own heads so much.

– Worry that “we” don’t know whether or how much homeschoolers are learning, so “we” need to test them or tell parents what to teach their kids. Look, if you’re going to talk about education, you should be using logic and basing your proposals on evidence. The overwhelming preponderance of studies examining homeschoolers’ academic achievement shows that “we” do, in fact, know that homeschooled kids do better than their public-schooled peers. This is true in both highly-regulated states and states with virtually no oversight.

Okay, rant over, time to make lunch for my sheltered, unsocialized, academically stunted, abused kids. Can someone from a government agency please come and save them from my well-meant but naïve and misguided parenting mistakes?

Today I had the version done. I was freaking out for a day or so before, worried that something would be wrong with the baby or that there would be a complication with the version and I’d have to have an emergency C-section. After trying hard to hold it together in front of the kids all day, last night I was crying with fear every time I thought about it.

But everything turned out okay. Adrian was able to leave work early to be there with me. Once the nurse told me he had gotten there I felt so relieved, like I knew everything would be okay.

Luz had turned partway already so she was oblique, and they were able to turn her vertex really easily. It was very uncomfortable but not extremely painful. I breathed through it and I was okay. At one point I felt like I couldn’t get a deep enough breath and I asked them to stop for a moment. They did another ultrasound and, believe it or not, saw that they had turned her too far. She was actually oblique the other way, and they had to turn her back a bit. Just hearing that, Adrian almost passed out. He was literally green, and had to sit down. He said he felt his eyes roll back. A doctor is not supposed to say “oops” when he is working on you!

After the version I was kept on a monitor for about an hour. Luz was moving around a ton and her heartrate was great. I felt completely fine (and still do). All is well.

The only thing is that my muscles are pretty slack, and she has a lot of room to move around, so there is the possibility of her turning back again. All that movement was a bit concerning; I hope she didn’t move out of position. I might have to have a version done again in a week or so, at which point they would want to induce me. I, of course, would like to avoid that. I am praying she stays head down. I am going to continue doing the ice and music and wearing a snug belly band. I think I’ll try a pregnancy support belt, too. I have one that I don’t wear because it is so uncomfortable, but at this point I’ll take the discomfort if it keeps this baby in place.

I think Melissa Wiley has a talent for writing really meaningful, well crafted posts just when I need to read them. Things have been pretty unpleasant lately between me and the kids, especially between me and Llani. Stress really does not bring out the best in me.

Meanwhile, on the baby front, my hospital bag is pretty much packed. I finally bought a sweet little going-home outfit for the baby, as well as a few other things I still needed. I am trying to keep myself in a place of calm and confidence and joy. Everything is going to work out fine, no matter what.

I have been trying all kinds of things to get the baby to turn. Today if I can find a bathingsuit I’m going to go swimming with my friend Olga and do handstands and somersaults in the water. I will probably terrify everyone in the pool! But it’s supposed to be one of the best ways to get a breech baby to turn. I’m also going to see if, with Adrian’s help, I can do an inversion off the couch like this:

I have been doing ice and music like crazy, and yesterday I started taking pulsatilla. The kids have been talking to the baby, too, calling to my lower belly, “Head down, Luz, head down! Over here! Head down!” They are just too cute. They are so excited about their baby sister coming soon. Even Zekey, who didn’t seem too enthused through most of my pregnancy, has been talking about her lately and wanting to read books about babies and big brothers.

Yesterday at my appointment I found out the baby is breech. They will not do a breech delivery vaginally. So Monday I will be going in for an external version, and if that doesn’t work I will have to schedule a C-section. Gah.

Meanwhile I’m doing all kinds of things to get her to turn– music low down, ice high up, pelvic rocks… I tried lying with my hips elevated on pillows but I thought I was going to pass out. If I can find a maternity swimsuit that actually covers everything that needs to be covered, I’m going to go swimming on Sunday and try to do somersaults and handstands in the water. I’m going to get to the health food store today or tomorrow and buy homeopathic pulsatilla.

Zekey turned from transverse to vertex at 38 weeks, so maybe this baby will turn from breech at 37.5 weeks.

Meanwhile, I have to schedule a pre-op exam for Zeke and then a dentist appointment; he has a horrible infected cavity and (assuming we can get the infection down first) he is going to be sedated for a root canal and crown. He also has speech therapy twice a week as usual, and tomorrow he has an educational evaluation. Adrian has already taken two days off (working from home part days) from his month-old job for Zeke’s dentist appointments, and he will have to take off for his next dentist appointment. He’s also going to take a week off when I give birth. Because of this, he can’t take off Monday to be with me during the version. My mom will be working, also at a new job where she really can’t take off. I am trying to find a friend to babysit the kids so my dad can be with me during the version (if the doctors and hospital allow it and if I don’t have to be half-naked and exposed) instead of staying in the waiting room with the kids. I really wish Adrian could be there with me, though, especially since there is always the small chance that a complication will necessitate an emergency C-section. It would suck so much if I had to go through that without my husband there, and if he missed his child’s birth. But the chances of that are small, and I’m just trying to think positive thoughts.

Today I am 37 weeks pregnant. I have a midwife appointment this afternoon, and I think it includes an internal exam. I’m kind of excited to see if I’ve dilated or effaced at all, but on the other hand I know that even if I’ve dilated a bit it could still take a week or two, or even more, until I go into labor. I am also hoping the baby is head down and stays that way, because she has been flopping around and at a few of my exams she was transverse.

I am feeling more confident about having the birth I want. My sugars are under control, my birth plan is written, and I am feeling strong. I have faith in my body. Last night I watched The Business of Being Born, and it reinforced my feelings of strength and my awe at women’s bodies and the birthing process. Every woman in America should watch that movie. Men, too, as a matter of fact.

Everyone is talking about the case in California. You know the one.

There’s a big brou-ha-ha in the homeschooling world about how California has outlawed homeschooling, has denied that California parents have a constitutional right to homeschool their children, and might soon come after thousands of homeschooling families statewide.

The court’s ruling is not as ominous or revolutionary as some might think. There really isn’t a constitutional right to homeschool in California, nor is there one, as far as I know, in any other state. Homeschooling is not addressed by the state constitution; it is addressed by educational code. And, as a matter of fact, homeschooling really isn’t legal in California. California homeschoolers generally manage by using a loophole and establishing a private school in their homes. California authorities have traditionally looked the other way. Is this a perfect solution? Of course not. Should there be a law in California specifically addressing homeschooling so that parents can legally homeschool their children? Hell yes, and maybe this case will prompt some action in that direction.

Meanwhile, though, if I were in California I would not be panicking. I really doubt that he California government is going to start a giant crackdown on homeschoolers. The state does not have the legal or social services resources to do so. And the schools don’t have the resources to handle a sudden enormous influx of formerly homeschooling students. The case was more about this one particular family than about homeschooling in general. And it was more about abuse than about homeschooling per se. The parents in question have a long history of abuse, and the state is trying to get the children into a situation where they can be readily observed by outsiders, as a condition of the family retaining custody of the kids. Doc has a more detailed analysis on her blog. Really, after reading what the kids in that family have gone through, my reaction is waaay more “Thank God someone is finally helping those poor kids!” than “Oh no, they’re banning homeschooling!”

A love song Llani wrote yesterday:

the sun is bright it will come out at daytime and shine on you so will i i will come out at daytime and shine on you i will come out at daytime and shine on you ‘cause i love you the sun is bright it will come out at daytime and shine on you so will i i will come out at daytime and shine on you i will come out at daytime and shine on you ‘cause i love you

She was singing it in one of her games yesterday. I thought the song was so sweet I asked her to write it down, so she did. She typed it up on my computer, just like it appears up there. No caps or punctuation, but amazingly the spelling is correct. I know I’m biased, but I can’t help thinking it is absolutely the sweetest thing ever.

Despite all the stress I am going through lately, my worries about the kids’ education are easing up. For a while I was feeling guilty and worried because we weren’t really “doing anything,” but I am seeing that even though I’m not up to doing much in the way of activities, they are doing things independently and continuing to learn. Llani has been writing short stories about horses and unicorns. She has been practicing her Spanish and teaching Spanish words to Zekey, who eagerly repeats her. His speech is getting better and better. We found a math workbook that we hadn’t looked at in a while, and Llani couldn’t wait to start working in it. They’ve been playing World of Warcraft, and while sometimes I worry about my kids’ video game obsession, I also marvel at how much they’re learning from it. Llani’s spelling has improved as a result of typing commands, and their vocabulary is growing. Seriously, how many four-year-olds know the words neutral, hostile, and superior?

Tomorrow both kids are starting soccer at the JCC, and they’re really excited. I’m so glad Zeke is finally old enough. He loves soccer, and I also think it will be a great social experience for him. As his speech improves, he is coming out of his shell more and more, and he is also having fewer tantrums.

The weather is getting spring-like, and I’m looking forward to starting a little container garden on our balcony and having the kids work on that with me. We’re also getting some outside time (when I have the energy), thank goodness.

At least homeschooling is one thing I can relax about!

Things have been pretty crappy here at Casa de las Mariposas. After having two amazing natural births with a supportive midwife, I now am worried that my third child will be born via a very medical, possibly induced birth, possibly even a C-section. My midwives seem more like doctors in disguise. In fact, starting next week I have to see a doctor for some of my appointments, because I might “need” (or be pushed into?) an induction. At my appointment last week, my midwife told me that they absolutely 100% will induce me if I do not go into labor by 40 weeks. According to her, it is very risky to let pregnancies of insulin-dependent GDM mothers go past 40 weeks, because placental perfusion is compromised and the baby might not get enough oxygen. Is this true? I have no idea. I’ve been googling and googling, and can’t find any evidence either way. Part of me says it’s a CYA-in-case-of-malpractice-suit scare tactic, but I really do not feel comfortable refusing to induce unless I can find some evidence that I wouldn’t be putting my baby at risk.

She also was warning me about macrosomia and shoulder dystocia and all the possible problems that could cause. She listened to my birth plan, and then told me I should change it in light of the fact that an induction might be necessary, and bring it back next week. She did make a note in my chart that I want a natural childbirth. Now, I’m glad she wrote it in my chart for all possible caregivers to see, but geez, I thought it was just a given that if a mama is seeing midwives instead of OBs, it’s because she wants a natural childbirth. Is that not the case with most of their patients?

I had an ultrasound that showed the baby to be measuring three weeks ahead on head circumference and belly size. Now, I know (and the midwives freely admit) that the ultrasound is not very accurate. It could be off a pound either way, sometimes more. Yet they seem to be using this known-to-be-inaccurate sonogram as a diagnostic tool, warning me about the giant baby I’m having. Whatever happened to evidence-based medicine?

I’m not too worried about the head measurement, because Llani and Zeke’s head circumferences were always big. If I recall correctly, both were in the 90th percentile on head circumference when they were born. When Llani was a tiny baby with weight and height in the 5th percentile, she still had a head circumference in the 75th percentile. Adrian and his mom both have big heads, and Adrian simply makes big-headed kids. I had no problem birthing either one of them. And what does head size have to do with shoulder dystocia? If they were telling me that the shoulders were three weeks ahead, it might give me pause, but no one has said anything about shoulder breadth at all.

Right now, I feel like I am going to have to fight against interventions, against an induction, maybe even against being cut open. I feel like I am going to have to fight against my midwives, and I shouldn’t feel like that. With my first two pregnancies, I felt like my midwives were always on my side, working with me to give me the birth I want. With this one, I feel like these midwives are in opposition to me. I felt like my midwives in NY trusted my body, trusted the birthing process, and had faith that I could birth my babies normally and naturally. I am not getting that feeling from these midwives. I can’t help wondering if my midwives in NY would have handled my pregnancy the same way, or would I be having a much better experience with them? What about a homebirth midwife– would she be telling me that in my particular case a hospital would be better and that I really shouldn’t let the pregnancy go past 40 weeks?

It also doesn’t help that the other day I discovered this page. My hospital is Carolinas Medical Center in Charlotte. Yes, the hospital with ONE star out of five. If I’d seen that chart when I first got pregnant, I would have chosen a different hospital, and thus a different midwifery practice. Honestly, I think that if I drove I would be looking into other midwives and hospitals, even at 35 weeks along. But with limited time and very limited transportation, I am kind of stuck with the ones I have.

I have been researching gestational diabetes pregnancies and births as much as possible, researching shoulder dystocia and macrosomia. I’ve also researching natural induction methods so that I can encourage this baby to come before 40 weeks and thus avoid a medical induction with all it entails.

The amount of stress I’ve been under because of this is overwhelming. Added to that is the fact that I’ve been having sleepless nights. Zeke has a cavity that has been waking him up at night. Adrian has to see when he can take half a day off so we can take him to the dentist; meanwhile my poor boy has been feeling awful and whining a lot. I am dealing with lots of whining and crying during the day, lots of waking at night, a seven year old who seems to be going through a rebellious stage, fasting blood sugars that are still not where they should be on 40 units of insulin, and now having to fight to have a normal birth. Is it any wonder I am near tears a lot of the time? That I have almost no patience with the kids? That I am even feeling distanced from my wonderful sweet husband? I feel like my whole life is falling apart these days.

So, what am I doing? Research, as I said. But, more importantly, I am trying to build up my confidence in myself, my body, my baby, and the birthing process. As new-agey woo-woo as it sounds, I am trying to visualize having a natural birth, and repeating affirmations such as “My body makes babies just the right size,” “My body was made to birth babies,” and “I will birth this baby naturally.” I am making up my mind to be strong, to trust that I will have a natural birth and a healthy baby, and to fight if I have to. I am trying as hard as I can to replace the fear and stress and sadness I am feeling with hope, faith, excitement, and joy.